


Truth Be Told

by Chechilia



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 22:04:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12640098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chechilia/pseuds/Chechilia
Summary: Merlin was obviously upset, and Arthur couldn't understand why. Until he thought he did, careless words revealing much more than he would have dared to hope for.





	Truth Be Told

**Author's Note:**

> Finally ! I've started to write this in the middle of the night in the hospital, as I just got out of surgery. It was roughly two months ago, and I'm finally satisfied with - I thought it was awfully OOC for both of them (still worry it is), and I had troubles keeping up with the times.
> 
> But, well, here it is.
> 
> Enjoy !

When the Prince of Camelot returned from the banquet, his manservant in tow, the sun had long settled for the night, letting the round moon darken the sky to its heart's content. Once the doors to Arthur's chambers were firmly closed, Merlin was prompt to fulfill his duties, though, Arthur noticed, he was unusually quiet as he performed their nightly routine.

Arthur watched with curious eyes as his servant unfastened his heavy cloak, his fingers rendered nimble by a full year of practice and an uncommon urgency. Once the rich red fabric was carefully draped on the back of Arthur's chair, his crown settled on his nightstand and his boots removed, the Prince nodded at Merlin and sat at his desk, not tired enough to sleep and willing to abate some of his work before going to bed.

He grabbed some reports from the latest patrol while Merlin moved about the chambers, changing the candles that needed be, preparing Arthur's clothes for the morning and finally settling in one corner to take care of the Prince's armor. The servant carefully placed the pieces of metal before him and started scrubbing, a soft cloth in one hand and a vial of oil near his other. All the while Arthur was watching him from he corner of his eyes, cautious, unaccustomed to Merlin's silence and uneasy at the lack of their usual banter.

His manservant, ordinarily unable to shut up, was keeping his lips tightly closed, and it was unsettling. Merlin's incessant chatter had annoyed Arthur when he'd first met him, but with time, he had come to realize Merlin was doing it on purpose to distract him when he needed it, and that alone had earned Merlin his grudging respect. Now, the Prince found the endless monologues strangely soothing, like a lullaby.

Which is why, after nearly an hour of silent treatment, he decided to take the matters into his own hands. He sighed heavily as he dropped the papers on his desk, leaning back in his chair and letting his gaze wander to Merlin, whose back was conveniently turned toward him so he couldn't see his face.

" You're sulking " he said.

His voice, soft and light, resonated against the walls of his chambers. The flames of the candles were basking the room in a warm glow, the shadows playing on Merlin's back making him look like a statue. Yet, the servant didn't stop the motion of his hand, sweeping a soft cloth over the gleaming metal over and over again as he snapped back :

" I am not. "

Merlin began to scrub harder on Arthur's armor, despite the pieces being practically glowing. The particular care with which he handled the pieces was at odd with the tense line of his back, and it made Arthur wonder why Merlin always insisted to be the one cleaning it - but now wasn't the time to ask.

" You are " he replied matter-of-factly.

When Merlin still didn't answer, he added :

" You're angry. Come on, love, out with it. "

He knew the endearment, at least, would have some effect. He didn't exactly remember when he had started using pet names on Merlin, and he knew it was improper for a Prince to do so, but he loved the way Merlin, adorably young and callous and shy, would blush everytime he did, dropping platters and spilling jugs of wine in shock.

It was true that having the Prince of Camelot talk to you like this, like you were his precious other half, be it as a joke, was unsettling. Not everyone got the Prince's attention, despite his reputation of being a player, the latter born of rumors from young noblemen and women alike - he never had a taste for the servants, not liking the way they showed their deference, because then he could never know if they truly wanted him, or if his sole status was forcing them to accept his favors.

As expected, Merlin froze on the spot :

" Don't call me that ! " he exclaimed harshly, annoyance evident in his tone.

He finally turned toward Arthur, but instead of the usual blush at the endearment, his skin was pale and his lips thinned in a angry line. The emotion flashing in his bright blue eyes nearly startled Arthur, and he thought he saw a whisper of gold around the pupil. It was gone before he could question it, and Merlin breathed in deeply, unclenching his fists on the used rag he held in his hands - nearly ripped apart.

" I'll call you however I like, love " Arthur replied with a smirk. " I am your Prince, remember ? "

Usually, that particular answer earned him a huffed " prat " and a somewhat fond smile. This time, however, Merlin's jaw tightened and he jumped on his feet, gaze firmly avoiding Arthur's inquisitive face. He picked up the armor and readied it for the next morning under the prince's watchful eyes, then bowed unusually deep :

" If that is all, Sire, I need to help Gaius with his patients. "

The deferential way he pronounced his title made Arthur frown : whenever they were alone, Merlin always used his given name, propriety be damned. And even when he called him " Sire ", it was always wrapped in banter or bundled together with an insult.

Merlin's tone was never this cold.

Realizing that something was clearly wrong, Arthur stood up from his desk, body alert.

" Merlin. What is it ? "

His voice had lost its playful tone to gain in authority, the question an unmistakable command. The dark-haired servant stopped dead in his tracks in his way to the door, tense all over. Arthur could see his shivering frame and the way his fists were clenched at his sides :

" Nothing, Sire " Merlin answered, voice tight. " I am merely tired, is all. "

" I don't believe you " Arthur said mildly. " Something's bothering you, and you know as well as I do that I won't let you retire for the night if you don't tell me what's wrong. "

Merlin breathed in deeply, then turned to Arthur, face closed off :

" One of the Cook's aids said you kissed Lady Evelyn. Is that true ? "

Merlin's question was like a slap to the face, and dread settled, heavy, in the Prince's heart. He hadn't thought Merlin to be the gossiping type - or at least, not when he himself was concerned. He knew his servant was young, younger than him, but to see his innocent face turned to him, eyes shining with something - a yearning he didn't understand - twisted something in him. So that was what bothering Merlin, that Arthur hadn't told him about his encounter with the visiting noble's daughter so he could run share some stories with the other servants ?

'' And why would you care, darling, if I did or not kissed her ? ''

Arthur's tone was soft, playful. There was an edge to it that he didn't recognize, plain in the way he bit out the endearment, as if spitting some kind of poison.

'' Come on, Merlin, tell me. Why is it so important ? ''

'' Because it's dangerous! '' Merlin finally blurted out. '' You know the rumors of her father being a sorcerer, you know she might have power too. What if she tries to enchant you? What if she tries to hurt you ? You can't fight a curse with a blade, or poison ! And I can't...''

Strangely enough, it was the mention of his possible powerlessness that made anger bubble inside Arthur.

'' She's a noble, Merlin '' he stated, calm but his voice sharp like a razor blade. '' A woman whom I am supposed to court. It was only proper of me to kiss her hand, and no, not her lips, despite them being more than luscious to my tastes. ''

He didn't mention that they wouldn't hold a candle against his manservant's. That would be counterproductive. Besides, longing for something he couldn't have made him bitter, and Merlin's candid interest in his love life was the last straw to months of building up feelings.

" However, Merlin, I'd like to remind you that my love life is none of your business " he said, tone hard, determined - and oh so very stupid. " You're only a servant. Learn to keep your place. ''

That wasn't true, of course - Merlin was the closest friend he ever had - but in his blinding anger Arthur didn't notice the way his manservant flinched. The Prince's attention snapped back to Merlin, who hissed like he was an animal in a trap - there was anger there, plain for everyone to see, but also pain, deeply concealed as to not give his predator any leverage.

But Arthur, in the months since Merlin became his servant, had learned to watch him, to see the signs, and he knew when Merlin was suffering - emotionally or physically.

And, foolish that he was, heir to the throne but still not wise enough to be king, he chose to ignore it.

Merlin paled further, if that was even possible :

" Only a servant, uh? " he repeated, voice hollow.

His mouth twisted in a bitter smile, disillusion evident on his features, a thirsty man finding out that the oasis in the desert was a mere mirage.

" If you care so little " he asked, and his gaze was hard as he planted it in Arthur's clear eyes, " why do you call me those names ? "

Arthur chuckled at that, and it was an ugly sound. He walked closer to Merlin and raised a hand to brush his cheekbones with :

" Because you blush so prettily when I do " he replied, lips torn in a smirk.

He was being unfair and he knew it, but he couldn't help the feeling churning inside him, twisting his guts into something ugly that made him want to torture Merlin for every time the latter unknowingly did the same. Because he couldn't contain his feelings anymore, yet in none of the futures his nobility dictated - in none of the ones permitted by the very core of his being - he would try to force himself on Merlin.

But Merlin's eyes widened at the gesture, shock and something looking suspiciously like grief warring on his features, and the servant raised his hand with the intention of punching Arthur in the face - to hit him, hurt him, push him away, Arthur didn't know, but the thought itself was ludicrous. Merlin obviously didn't care that Arthur could have him executed for it, oblivious to the rules as he always was.

But Arthur didn't need to : he was a warrior trained to kill since birth, whereas Merlin was a country boy whose muscles weren't built for a fight. He didn't stand a chance.

Sure enough, as he swinged at him, Arthur easily grabbed Merlin's wrist and twisted it. Then, without breaking his motion, he captured Merlin's other hand and pushed his servant against the wall, arms above his head, completely at his mercy. Merlin's breathing was hard as he stared at Arthur, shining eyes too wide and too blue. Unblinking, Arthur leaned in, Merlin's panting sweet in his ear, and he whispered, voice low and dangerous :

'' Wanna try that again, sweetheart ? ''

He stepped back to look at Merlin's face, a satisfied smirk on his face. He expected the blush that would redden Merlin's cheeks. He expected his servant to fight back, to spit at him, angry and maybe afraid. He expected the insults, the curses, the look of betrayal, even.

What he didn't expect was Merlin's angry facade to crumble, mask shattering to leave behind glistening eyes and twisted mouth. A choking sound escaped Merlin's throat, a heart wrenching sob, but it's only when he saw the first tear roll down Merlin's cheek that Arthur realized his mistake.

Merlin hadn't been prying. He didn't really care about Lady Evelyn, and had no interest whatsoever in gossiping about her. He had been genuinely worried about Arthur's safety, and not because of his duties, Arthur knew. He remembered Merlin's face as he had drunk the poisoned goblet in a foolish attempt to save him, the fear shining bright in his eyes yet the absolute faith radiating from him, directed solely to Arthur rather than the king. Merlin had nearly died for him that day, and such loyalty wasn't given lightly.

And Merlin was angry about Arthur's assumption, of course he was, but most of all he was hurt because of his words. _You're only a servant. Learn to keep your place_. His own words came slamming back at him, like a boomerang made of heavy metal. He cursed inwardly, closing hard his eyelids for a second, terrified and elated all at once.

Because there was only one, one single reason Merlin would be feeling this way. One single reason Merlin would ask about the visiting nobles for his own peace of mind, one single reason he would look so shattered at Arthur's disregard.

And it would also explain why, usually unfazed by the knights' occasionally indecent behavior, Merlin would react so strongly when it was Arthur calling him names.

Gods.

'' Merlin '' he murmured brokenly. '' I am so sorry. ''

Merlin shook his head wildly as another sob escaped him, pleading Arthur to stop talking, to stop tormenting him further, his last words enough of a torture. Tears were flowing freely from his eyes now, every single one of them testament to Arthur's cruelty, and the young Prince paled at what it meant - at what he did.

He released Merlin's wrists but didn't step back, rather diving into Merlin's space, drawing his unresisting servant to his chest. Merlin's fists tightened into his bright red tunic, clenched so hard they threatened to rip it apart, but Arthur didn't care.

It was less than he deserved.

'' Merlin '' he whispered, gently caressing the man's back in soothing motions. '' I'm sorry. I can't begin to tell you how much. ''

He used his other hand to tuck Merlin's head under his chin. And it shouldn't be possible, his servant being taller than him by an inch, but the way he was hunched on himself made it so. Merlin's cheek was pressed to his neck, and Arthur could feel every shuddering breath, every contained cry, and his skin was wet from his servant's tears. He pressed a kiss on Merlin's mop of dark hair as the latter began to shake, hand never ceasing his motion down Merlin's back, pressing him closer to him as if to share his warmth with Merlin's shivering frame - despite knowing very well that his trembling had nothing to do with the cold.

It's only when Merlin drew back a fraction that Arthur started making up some words, chopped sentences poured against his heated skin.

'' Arthur... Why? Why you? Why can't I stop...stop...I... ''

His voice was laced with pain and Arthur's heart ached.

'' I love you '' Merlin finally murmured, '' why can't I just stop? ''

He seemed so helpless, so thin and vulnerable in Arthur's stronger arms, that the Prince reached out again to place the younger man closer to him.

It wasn't the first time that someone confessed such feelings to him, of course - he still was a prince - and the man he was a year ago would probably have laughed, stating that it was a normal behavior to love his Prince as such, that it was practically expected of a servant.

Arthur understood now that Merlin's love had nothing to do with what he now called devotion, and it was humbling to hear his manservant admit to it, baring his soul to Arthur where Arthur had buried his own deep inside him, for fear of never having his affections returned.

'' Merlin '' he said, the tenderness in his voice unexpected but welcome. '' I am so sorry. I didn't know. ''

He kissed the top of his head again, feeling Merlin drawing in a shuddery breath. For all that he claimed Merlin to be a fool, it was him that was the greatest of all.

'' I understand now '' he breathed out. '' I understand. ''

'' I love you '' he nearly added, but refrained himself, not knowing if his confession would be welcome, if it wouldn't only deepen further Merlin's pain. But he knew too that Merlin deserved an explanation, deserved that bit of solace and if Arthur could give it to him then so be it.

His own insecurities were no longer important, all thoughts of himself relegated to the back of his mind. Only Merlin mattered.

'' I love you '' he said softly, voice low enough to hold the truth of his feelings, strong enough for Merlin to make no mistake as to what he said.

Merlin made a choking noise and shook his head :

'' Don't '' he said, pleading, '' don't do that. Don't lie about... ''

Arthur gently distangled himself, interrupting the heartwrenching plea. Bringing both his hands to Merlin's face, he framed his features between rough calluses, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe away the tears on Merlin's cheeks. He held his servant's gaze within his own, the infinite sky covering the depth of the bottomless ocean.

'' Listen to me, Merlin, please. You know me. You know me better than anyone. You're my closest friend, Merlin, never doubt it, despite everything I said. ''

At that, he looked away for a second, guilt and shame threatening to make his heart burst.

'' You know I wouldn't lie to you, Merlin '' he said, looking back, and his voice was fragile for the first time, vulnerable. '' Not about this. ''

His voice broke on the last words and that seemed to do it for Merlin. His eyes widened, every speck of gold visible, and he searched Arthur's face for something, something he seemed to find because he sagged against Arthur, like a puppet whose strings were cut. Body shivering, he let Arthur wind his strong arms around his waist and rested his head in the crook of Arthur's neck, feeling his tremors subside.

'' You're a clotpole '' Merlin murmured then, voice small, and it made Arthur smile despite himself.

'' Yeah '' he agreed, voice warm. '' For once I can't argue with you. ''

" You could have said something " Merlin murmured again.

" No, I couldn't have " Arthur replied gently. " You know that I couldn't. "

He tightened his hold on Merlin for a second, then stepped back, looking into the depths of Merlin's eyes, losing himself in them.

'' I'm sorry '' he said again. '' And I love you. ''

His hand brushes Merlin's skin in a soft caress as a smile threatens to split Merlin's face into, so full of unabashed joy that Arthur can only lean in, brushing his lips against Merlin's.

'' Can I ? '' he murmured, unsure like he so rarely is, knowing that the gift he had been given could so easily be shattered.

It was Merlin that crossed the rest of the distance between them, pressing his lips more firmly to Arthur's, capturing his mouth in a gentle kiss, relief nearly sweeping his legs from under him.

Their first kiss tasted of Merlin's tears and of an apology, both a promise of new beginning and a vow of commitment.

The Prince held Merlin against his chest, always stronger than his servant, yet it was him that yielded to Merlin's tongue when it swiped against his lips and tangled with his own in a wet, hot caress. A soft moan vibrated in Merlin's chest and reverberated against Arthur's, turning the kiss messy. They only broke apart when they could't find more air and needed to breathe, their hands frantic in the way they roamed on each other's body.

'' Come to bed '' Arthur murmured, and nearly let out a chuckle when he noticed Merlin's reaction.

It was so easy for Arthur to forget sometimes, that Merlin was that much younger than him in so many ways despite his well hidden wisdom and the few years only that kept them apart. The servant's eyes were wide, and there was a blush high on his cheeks. His mouth was half open, in shock or desire Arthur didn't know, glistening tongue teasing along the seams of his slightly chapped lips. His body was tense though, like he was about to flee, and Arthur put a reassuring hand at the small of his back.

'' Merlin '' he admonished softly.

He shook his head.

'' I won't have you tonight '' he stated, and it sounded like a vow.

Merlin never talked about it, but Arthur knew of his virginity.

'' I won't have you tonight '' he said again, '' nor any of the nights that will follow. Not until you are ready for it. Not until you feel ready for it. ''

Merlin hesitated a second then nodded once, grateful.

'' It's your call '' Arthur promised, kissing Merlin softly.

And with that there was everything that he couldn't say : that he was not going away, that he wouldn't have anyone else, that from now on there wouldn't be anyone but Merlin.That he'd wait for him.

Merlin seemed to understand the implications, if the way his eyes filled again with tears like liquid joy was any indication.

'' I love you '' the servant whispered, curiously reverent yet strong in his admission, freely given and shared. '' Now, and until the day I die. ''

Arthur smiled at his heartfelt words and grabbed his hand. He knew they had to talk, the too long held secrets a chasm between them :

'' Come on '' he said. '' It's not because we won't have sex tonight that we can't share a bed. I want... I need to feel you. And I think we need to talk. ''

His last words were quiet, and Merlin's head snapped up to his, his eyes wide and somewhat fearful, confirming his assumption.

'' There is a lot I need to say to you. ''

He cupped Merlin's cheek with one hand.

'' And I think you do too. ''

Merlin tensed impossibly at that, terror shining brightly in his eyes, but Arthur's fingers were unrelenting on his skin, soft, caressing, accepting. Merlin nodded.

'' Alright '' he said, before letting himself fall into Arthur's embrace.

And Arthur, in that second, felt more like a king than he had ever been, confident that Merlin would always be by his side - faithful servant, friend, and lover.


End file.
